Monday, December 20, 2010

Signs of Village Woods

Here are a few signs found around Village woods and what I think of them:

 This sign should say "Welcome to Village Woods" but that is not the sentiment of the powers that be, as evidenced by the next sign you see as you enter the complex...

This sign could re-establish the Third Reich and get it to last for a thousand years.  Yes, by all means proceed directly to the resident's unit.  But what if you are a real estate agent and/or a potential buyer?  This isn't going to make you feel warm and fuzzy about Village Woods - and it's the second sign you see!  Not a good, property-value-increasing thing!

What if you want to take a walk around the complex? If you do you run the risk of arrest?  On my (illegal?) walk I met a number of nice people and a few cute, friendly dogs, a good, property-value-increasing thing.

Speaking of dogs, it seems that some people with access to desktop publishing, time on their hands and, sadly, not a full command of proper English, don't want dogs to poop on the property.  To these people, I say: "your" means belonging to you as it "signs like this show your ignorance".  The word you're looking for is the contraction of you + are. 

Thankfully, this sign is hidden in the west laundry room, where it showed signs of being taped somewhere before being taken to the bulletin board by a Good Samaritan grammarian.  One more thought: If you understand that dogs sometimes poop without their owners' knowledge and spend a minute picking it up, you will save the ten minutes it took to make the sign, post it and slaughter our language.  Thank you.

Speaking of English, this sign was not written in that tongue.  Had it been so, it would read, "No skateboards, roller skates or bikes may be ridden on site."  Proper English is the least of this sign's worries.

It's rude; it blocks a nice view of the pond that no one may look at because they should "proceed directly to resident's unit" (see the red sign, also not printed in English, above) and it's written IN ALL CAPS, which sounds like yelling.

Don't yell at me!  Write a nice sign that says "There's a great park about two blocks from here, where you can ride bikes, skateboards and roller skates. For safety's sake, please don't ride those things here.  Instead, why not look at the cool pond over this low-hanging sign."

This is my all-time favorite crazy sign.  First off, it's right on the clubhouse door, where you couldn't get in with  blowtorch and a search warrant; second, it's printed on official someone's yellow stationary; and third, it extols us to rat on our neighbors. 

It almost sounds like the tactics used by the Nazis, Communists and Facisti to foment fear and distrust of your neighbors. You never knew if your neighbor was going to turn you in to the Nazis, Communists or the Facisti.  Thankfully history has taught all but this sign-maker that those tactics only serve to topple your regime. 

Note to Association Facists: your neighbors are talking about you.  We will turn you in to the grammar police; suggest you get counseling; and re-write your signs.  Although, I wouldn't rewrite this one, I think people who owe money to the association should still be able to use the pool.

Now here is an obviously deranged person who wants something.  The problem is we don't know that it is.  Anyone who can decipher this sign, please comment!

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